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Small Beginnings

I’m sitting here rocking my sweet baby as he sleeps, listening to the soft snore of my hubby, and thinking about all that God has done for me in the past few weeks. Let me share just one thing…

My baby was born the first week of November. Leading up to his birth, I was struggling. Physically - I was huge. I had TONS of extra fluid and he wasn’t tiny so I was extremely uncomfortable. I got sick in October and was unable to get out of bed hardly at all for 11 days…my first day out of bed, I went into labor! It was wild. I was still sick and in labor - having no energy or stamina. I’ll share my birth story some other time for anyone interested, but that’s not today’s point. 

I wasn’t just physically tired during that time though…I was spiritually weary. I had been feeling so disconnected from the Lord since our Worthy Conference. I think it was that I was just so tired and weary from the pregnancy and having three other littles to raise and homeschool and our church had just undergone a huge transition and work was nuts and and and and…God felt far away. I was so so tired and my normal avenues of connecting to his heart felt so difficult to commit to pursuing. 

Have you been there before? God felt far away and you knew it was you and not Him. But the weariness…it is so hard to overcome! To push through and pursue Jesus. So you sit and hope he speaks to you even when you are too tired to pick up your Bible or utter a prayer that makes any sense beyond “help me, Lord.”

That’s where I was. And when this beautiful soul came into the outside world and my body finally began to recover from labor AND illness, I made a decision. I was going to find a way to pursue God and quit waiting for Him to show up. This is a relationship - it goes both ways and my love for Him was waning. I mean I loved the Lord, but my commitment to demonstrate my love was lacking. 

No more. My struggle was made worse by lack of connection to Him so no more. 

A sweet friend bought me a devotional book I had really wanted and after I had my baby and things settled down a little bit, she asked if I wanted to read it with her and we could text back and forth about it. Great idea! I could do that - it wasn’t much, but it was an offering I could give! I didn’t have time to attend a Bible study or anything, but a text to my friend and a short 2 pages of a book? I could do that!

Do not despise these small beginnings, for the Lord rejoices to see the work begin…”

‭‭Zechariah‬ ‭4‬:‭10‬ ‭NLT‬‬

My encouragement is this: if you are struggling to offer the Lord your time because you are so weary…don’t despise small beginnings.

I spend 5 minutes every day reading a little devotional thought and then sitting still (hopefully it is quiet but not always) letting the Lord prick my heart for another 5 minutes. At some point, I’ll text my friend and share with her what the Lord is saying or revealing to me in what we read. And she does the same. And it has held me accountable to spending time with Jesus every day, intentionally listening for his voice every day, and responding in obedience every day. It’s not an hour or two in my prayer closet…and how I long for the day when I can give that to the Lord…but what I’m doing today is paving the way for that. That’s just not my season right now. But this is…this sweet time with Jesus either late at night during a feeding or mid morning while baby is napping in the swing and the kids are working on schoolwork or when my husband comes home from work and I can go sneak into the bathroom by myself for a few minutes. And while it seems small and insignificant…God has rekindled my connection to His heart, eased my anxieties, and given me hope and vision for my family. Joy has replaced irritation. Laughter has replaced groaning. Hope has replaced that stuck feeling. 

He deserves your time and your heart. And in his goodness, we receive so much from his nearness…all the needs of our weary hearts are met in His nearness.

So pull close to Him today. Get in the Word. Even if it’s one verse that took you 30 seconds to read - let it ruminate in your heart and mind all day and let the Lord teach you, love you, and mold you through it. 

Give him your offering of time today…and do not despise the day of small beginnings. The Lord is rejoicing in your offering.

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