Rejected by People, Accepted by God: Why Your Heart Still Longs for Acceptance

Rejection. 

Is anyone unfazed by rejection? Do we ever overcome our utter need for acceptance? Why are we so desperate for the approval of another even if it really makes no outward difference in our life how we stand with them? Anyone else feeling their heart aching a bit just thinking about being rejected? Just me? 

I’m almost forty years old. I have a man who actually chose to marry me, loves me endlessly, and really likes me too. I have four darling children who are wild and funny and affectionate – they love that I am their mother which is astounding to me and such a precious gift. I have an incredible circle of friends: two best friends who (to my knowledge) don’t get sick of me and my slightly irreverent sense of humor, amazing close friends - so many - who love me and encourage me and are just plain fun. I have a really uniquely delightful church family that has embraced me from the start, even when I was broken and messy beyond belief. I have parents who are some of my very best friends, a big brother who is always there for me and a constant source of encouragement in my life. I have so much it is bringing tears to my eyes right now as I write this. Wow! Thank you Lord for your unending blessings in my life. 

So then, with all of that goodness surrounding me, why am I struggling with rejection? I recently reached out to some old friends. Granted we haven’t spoken in years and years, but I am going to be in their area later in the year and wanted to reconnect. For whatever reason, I didn’t receive a response from either of them. Maybe they didn’t see the message, maybe they don’t want to see me, maybe maybe maybe…my mind was spiraling. I haven’t spoken to them in years and here I am feeling heartbreak over what I perceive as rejection. 

Stupid. Childish. Get over it, Lyndsay. Who cares? Why do you need their approval? Why do you need their acceptance? You aren’t in each other’s lives anymore. What does it matter if they like you or if they have a problem with you? 

Condemnation came. Judgment came. Shut it down and just shut up.

After a few days, I reached out to my two best friends…

“This is stupid but…”

I was instantly met with a chorus of love. And not the kind of “there’s nothing wrong with you - you’re perfect!” kind of love. It was the kind of love that said, “Even if you are the one who burned the bridge, you are not who you were and we can thank God for that. It’s okay. I’m sorry this is hurting you and I understand. Don’t run from those feelings or stuff them down, but don’t let them rule you and run roughshod over you. Try not to carry the luggage you didn’t pack.”

There are so many lessons in this I could highlight…

The value and necessity of Christian sisterhood. 

The importance of forgiving yourself for the sins God already forgave in Christ Jesus. 

That you can feel your feelings without letting them rule your heart. 

But what I really want to examine is this incredible, innate need for approval. It is in our nature – something we cannot escape. And it gets us into trouble in our life so often when we look to the wrong place for approval. 

So why do we have this need deep down? Why is it part of our human nature? We were created for acceptance—fully known and fully loved by God—but sin has distorted that desire, causing us to chase it in people instead. And that distortion causes so much pain. I’ve cried too many tears in my life chasing this inescapable desire to be accepted. 

So where does that leave us? If this need is real, and it hurts this deeply, then we have to ask—what does God say about it? This is where we can find what our heart is longing for…

God Chose You Before You Chose Him

Ephesians 1:4–6 (ESV)

“Even as he chose us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before him. In love he predestined us for adoption to himself as sons through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of his will, to the praise of his glorious grace, with which he has blessed us in the Beloved.”

Romans 5:8 (ESV) “But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”

1 John 4:9–10 (ESV) “In this the love of God was made manifest among us, that God sent his only Son into the world, so that we might live through him. In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins.”

God Welcomes You—He Does Not Reject You

Romans 15:7 (ESV) “Therefore welcome one another as Christ has welcomed you, for the glory of God.”

John 6:37 (ESV) “All that the Father gives me will come to me, and whoever comes to me I will never cast out.”

Matthew 11:28–30 (ESV) “Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”

Isaiah 55:1–3 (ESV) “Come, everyone who thirsts, come to the waters; and he who has no money, come, buy and eat! Come, buy wine and milk without money and without price. Why do you spend your money for that which is not bread, and your labor for that which does not satisfy? Listen diligently to me, and eat what is good, and delight yourselves in rich food. Incline your ear, and come to me; hear, that your soul may live; and I will make with you an everlasting covenant, my steadfast, sure love for David.”

God Forgives You Completely

Psalm 103:10–12 (ESV) “He does not deal with us according to our sins, nor repay us according to our iniquities. For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his steadfast love toward those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far does he remove our transgressions from us.”

Isaiah 1:18 (ESV) “Come now, let us reason together, says the LORD: though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red like crimson, they shall become like wool.”

Micah 7:18-19 (ESV) “Who is a God like you, pardoning iniquity and passing over transgression for the remnant of his inheritance? He does not retain his anger forever, because he delights in steadfast love. He will again have compassion on us; he will tread our iniquities underfoot. You will cast all our sins into the depths of the sea.”

Hebrews 8:12 (ESV) “For I will be merciful toward their iniquities, and I will remember their sins no more.”

God Brings You In as His Own

John 1:12 (ESV) “But to all who did receive him, who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God,”

Romans 8:15–17 (ESV) “For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry, ‘Abba! Father!’ The Spirit himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, then heirs—heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, provided we suffer with him in order that we may also be glorified with him.”

Galatians 4:6–7 (ESV) “And because you are sons, God has sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, crying, ‘Abba! Father!’ So you are no longer a slave, but a son, and if a son, then an heir through God.”

Ephesians 2:12–13, 19 (ESV) “Remember that you were at that time separated from Christ, alienated from the commonwealth of Israel and strangers to the covenants of promise, having no hope and without God in the world. But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far off have been brought near by the blood of Christ. So then you are no longer strangers and aliens, but you are fellow citizens with the saints and members of the household of God,”

2 Corinthians 5:17–18 (ESV) “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come. All this is from God, who through Christ reconciled us to himself and gave us the ministry of reconciliation.”

God Draws Near to the Broken

Psalm 34:18 (ESV) “The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.”

Isaiah 57:15 (ESV) “For thus says the One who is high and lifted up, who inhabits eternity, whose name is Holy: ‘I dwell in the high and holy place, and also with him who is of a contrite and lowly spirit, to revive the spirit of the lowly, and to revive the heart of the contrite.’”

Luke 5:31–32 (ESV) “And Jesus answered them, ‘Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick. I have not come to call the righteous but sinners to repentance.’”

Luke 15:20–24 (ESV) (from the Prodigal Son) “And he arose and came to his father. But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and felt compassion, and ran and embraced him and kissed him. And the son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.’ But the father said to his servants, ‘Bring quickly the best robe, and put it on him, and put a ring on his hand, and shoes on his feet. And bring the fattened calf and kill it, and let us eat and celebrate. For this my son was dead, and is alive again; he was lost, and is found.’ And they began to celebrate.”

God Keeps You Secure in His Love

Romans 8:38–39 (ESV) “For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

John 10:28–29 (ESV) “I give them eternal life, and they will never perish, and no one will snatch them out of my hand. My Father, who has given them to me, is greater than all, and no one is able to snatch them out of the Father’s hand.”

Philippians 1:6 (ESV) “And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.”

You were made to desire acceptance. But that desire is voracious – never satisfied until it is met in Christ Jesus. Because you were made to desire God’s acceptance - to be fully known and fully loved by God. When the desire for acceptance gets distorted again, as it did for me, we need to be reminded of this truth: Christ Jesus accepts us. And in his great mercy, he doesn’t leave us stuck in our sin and mess, but sanctifies us, making us into his likeness. He makes us holy as he is holy. We have been accepted - justified - and are now being sanctified so that someday we may be glorified with him. 

If you are facing rejection that is threatening your identity, your value, or your standing…remind yourself of the truth: In Christ Jesus, I am accepted. I have been justified, am being sanctified, and will be glorified with Him. I am not left stuck in darkness, but rescued from darkness and brought into His kingdom of marvelous light. 

“Great are you, O Lord, and greatly to be praised… You have made us for yourself, and our heart is restless until it rests in you.” Saint Augustine of Hippo (Confessions)

“The soul that loves God desires nothing but Him.” Bernard of Clairvaux

“Why are you so bent on this, to please people? Those who applaud you today will condemn you tomorrow. But he who judges you is always the same.” Saint Augustine of Hippo

“Do not seek to please men, but God, who searches the heart.” Saint Augustine of Hippo

You were made to be accepted…by God…as His child. That is the only acceptance that will satisfy your heart. Acceptance of man is never enough. I know that because, as I said at the very beginning of this article, look at all the wonderful people God has placed in my life that love and accept me. Yet, somehow, it isn’t enough to satisfy my heart. I still feel the need for acceptance even from people who aren’t in my life anymore. That is because the need for acceptance will never be satisfied outside of God. 

And when you forget…remember. Remember who you were when Jesus found you. Remember what He saved you from. Remember how far you’ve come because of Jesus. Remember the sin you’ve overcome by the power of Christ. Remember the holiness that is now in your life because of Christ. Remember. Remember the God who loved you while you were still dead in your sin. Remember the God who broke your chains of slavery to sin and made you free in His righteousness. 

Remember. 

You are accepted. You are justified. You are being sanctified.

And someday, you will be glorified with Him.