3 Steps to Turn the Volume Down on Mom Guilt

Mom guilt is that voice that whispers in your ear right when you’re trying to fall asleep, just when you’ve sat down to enjoy a cup of coffee, and even in the middle of the day when things are going perfectly well! You see, mom guilt doesn’t care if you’re wide awake or dead on your feet, if you’re in the middle of chaos or handling things like a champ - it will always try to whisper lies in your ears. If you’ve thought this was just a frustrating part of motherhood that every mom has to deal with, then I’m happy to tell you that this is yet another lie of mom guilt. In fact, there IS a way to turn the volume down and silence this condemning voice. Let’s look at three simple steps you can take to silence mom guilt.

Step 1. Separate Intention from Capacity

As moms, we tend to hold ourselves to such an unreachable standard, that when we fall short, we don’t even stop to ask ourselves if the standard needs to be adjusted. Instead, we hold ourselves guilty for not meeting that unrealistic standard. If this is you, here is what I want you to do - start identifying what your intention is and what your capacity is so that you can separate these two pieces. 

Here’s what that might look like - recall one interaction during the day that you wish you could have handled differently. As you think about it, instead of listening to what guilt has to say, say this sentence out loud, “I was overwhelmed, but I’m still a good mom.”

Why does this matter? Each of us has a limit to our energy and when we’re running on fumes, we can’t respond or react in the way we’d like to. You need to recognize and accept that there are times you’ve been trying to pour from an empty cup (capacity) so your response wasn’t what you wanted (intention).

When you can separate your bad moments from your identity, you stop giving them the power to define you, and you are in a better position to give yourself grace. 

Step 2. Fact Check Critical Thoughts

Take a moment and write down your loudest guilty thought. Go ahead, grab a sheet of paper and a pen or use the notes app on your phone. Once you’ve written down that critical thought, write down the objective truth right next to it. Here’s an example most of us can relate to that will help get the ball rolling:

Guilty thought - I am ruining their childhood.

Objective truth - I gave them three meals, hugs, and a comfy place to sleep today.

Mom guilt is so narrow in its focus and yet so good at convincing us that it’s the only way to interpret what happened. It’s important to write out the objective truth so that your brain can see it in black and white and allow the truth to start sinking into your brain. This practice also helps to break down the exaggerated emotional lies. 

This step is a crucial piece in helping you start changing the way your brain evaluates how you handled something. Since God made our brains flexible, this means we can create new pathways, new habits, and new ways of doing things - like learning how to silence mom guilt!

Step 3. Shift From Mom Guilt to Actionable Steps

Stop letting mom guilt tear down everything you say and do by swapping it with actionable steps. Instead of listing everything you messed up, take a moment and look at it through this lens - what can I do differently tomorrow? When you look at what you said or did today as an opportunity to learn from what didn’t go well and how you can improve, it shifts the focus from wallowing in guilt to actions you can take. 

For example, if you weren’t able to spend enough intentional time with your kids today, or you feel that you weren’t as present with them as you would have liked to have been, figure out how you can do things differently tomorrow. 

That might look like giving them an extra long hug or snuggles first thing in the morning, or deciding ahead of time when you can give your kids 10 minutes of your undivided attention during the day, or giving spontaneous hugs throughout the day and telling him or her “I’m glad to be your mom!”

God never uses guilt to get us to change and He certainly doesn’t want you listening to the voice of mom guilt! It’s not helpful or encouraging and nothing good ever came from doing something out of guilt. 

On the days when mom guilt gets loud, use these steps to turn the volume down. If you’d like even more tools to help you with mom guilt, burnout, or overwhelm, reach out and let me know. This mom journey is beautiful and hard, and I’d love to help you find your balance so you can enjoy it.

Rebekah

Rebekah Storey

Rebekah Storey is a national Christian speaker and coach dedicated to helping women trade daily exhaustion for deep presence and true, holy rest. Created from a deep, personal walk with the Creator, her ministry addresses the messy complexities of human resentment and the heavy mental load of modern motherhood. Having walked through a season of abandonment, betrayal, manipulation, and slander, Rebekah shares her raw, vulnerable journey to prove that healing and practical forgiveness are possible in any circumstance.

Through her captivating messages, she equips audiences to release the burdens of anger, set healthy boundaries, and trade toxic "mom guilt" for God's grace. Known for her judgment-free honesty and relatable humanity, Rebekah provides women with easy, actionable steps to unpack emotional baggage and lean fully into Christ. When she is not on the platform teaching or guiding clients through personal 1-on-1 coaching, Rebekah creates weekly digital resources to encourage others in their faith walk and raises two teenage daughters with her husband, Brian.