Spiritual Intimacy: The Path to Oneness in Your Marriage

Like so many other Mondays, Rob came into the family room and flopped down next to me on the couch. Together we rattled off our lists of to-do’s that felt impossibly long. We lamented our child’s difficult behaviors and the crumbling of our loved ones’ faith. We weighed the pros and cons of decisions we’re facing. We wondered how we might make time for us when we’re pulled in a thousand directions. I cried. He vented. And then, just like other Mondays, we moved a little closer and took it all to prayer.

That simple weekly practice of praying side by side has become the most formative rhythm of our life as a couple. Yet it is just one ingredient in the bread of spiritual intimacy that nourishes every part of our relationship. We find that the more we pursue God together, the more we experience closeness, compassion, and love in our marriage.

Today I’m grateful to share five ways that we have pursued spiritual intimacy and how each has transformed our relationship with God and each other. May your marriage be blessed as you, too, set your hearts on following the One who loves, leads, and makes all things new.

1.     Spiritual Intimacy Through Dependence

When I met Rob, I was drawn to his blue eyes and attentive, listening ears. His steady calm and determined work ethic. His loyalty and gentle spirit. Rob liked my outgoing energy and optimism that could find any cloud’s silver lining. As we imagined a future together, I just knew he’d be a steady rock of loving security. He was sure my joy would fill our home with light. It didn’t take long to put our hopes in one another and loosen our grip on God as the Source of our needs.

After the wedding, the cracks in Rob’s calm began to show as he overworked to achieve in his career. Depression stole my smile and strength. Pregnancies, money stress, and cross-country moves kept a sense of stability out of reach. The idols we had built in one another crumbled to the ground.

Yet as we sat in the rubble, God revealed himself as the One who holds the help, hope, and peace we long for. We began to release each other from the burden to give what only God can supply. With the pressure lifted, empathy grew. Prayer flourished. Grace was found for each other’s limitations. God was restored to his proper place in our hearts as our first love. By putting our dependence on God, his Spirit deepened our love for one another.

2.     Spiritual Intimacy Through Confession

With five kids from preschool to high school, my minivan felt like a second home as I drove them to every practice, youth group meeting, part-time job, and school building. So when put the car into drive one morning and heard (and smelled!) something strange, I knew we were in trouble. Sure enough, the mechanic found a family of mice nested around the warmth of the engine. A deep cleaning and some minor repairs put us safely back on the road.

In marriage, though, we can avoid popping the hood to check how careless words or hurtful patterns are breaking down our relationship. Instead, angry or wounded emotions leak out through sarcasm. Complaining. Cold silence. Repeating the same old arguments. Bitterness takes root, hearts harden, and our relationship suffers with God and each other.

Yet when we swallow our pride and name the ways we’ve failed to love, healing begins. The stage is set to listen, understand, and forgive as Christ forgives us. Tension eases, and we open up to God to point our way forward. Confession is a powerful first step to repair what’s torn between us.

3.     Spiritual Intimacy Through Obedience

Over the years our goals have collided again and again. He wanted a masters degree. I wanted a break from classes and tuition payments. I assumed we’d enroll kids in public school while he saw us teaching at home. He hits the gym before dawn, and I leash the dog for after-dinner walks. I use Android; he’s Apple all the way. Each difference in our personalities, habits, and hopes can fuel conflict and drive us apart.  

What cut the rope in the tug-of-war in our marriage was giving up control and asking God to lead the way. We traded the question, “What do I want for myself?” to ask, “What does God want from us as a couple?” That exchange moved us onto the same team, sharing the pursuit of living out God’s “good, pleasing and perfect will” for our lives (Romans 12:2).

A heart of obedience to God shapes how we spend and share our money. How we respond to our kids’ challenges. What commitments land on the calendar. How we show up for others. What kind of plans we make for the weeks, months, and years ahead of us. By devoting our lives to pleasing God instead of ourselves, we face tomorrow with shared purpose and unified hearts.

4.     Spiritual Intimacy Through Community

The Christian working in the next cubicle didn’t know much about my life except I had a lot to learn about spreadsheets. Yet her passing remark in the hallway stopped me in my tracks: “If your husband isn’t your top priority, then something has to change.” She didn’t know that Rob had fallen to the bottom of my list, living on crumbs of my attention and affection. The Spirit spoke through that simple comment to begin a deep work in my heart and marriage.

God never intended us to stumble through life on our own. He built his Church as a family where we can find accountability, encouragement, wisdom, worship, and prayer that meets us in every joy and struggle we face. By knitting our home life into the life of the church, we become a part of Christ’s body and “members of one another” (Romans 12:5). The community of God moves us closer to him, and his Spirit binds us closer to each other.

For us, this means joining in praise and digging into the Word during Sunday services. It’s getting real and vulnerable over meals with our small group. It is joining with believers to care for the marginalized in our city. Life in community moves our focus outward so we can love, grow, and serve side by side.

5.    Spiritual Intimacy Through Surrender

Nearly every husband and wife will wake up some morning and wonder How did I get here? Career goals end in disappointment. Hopes for children are crushed, or kids grow up and leave faith and family behind. Painful losses leave wounds that never seem to heal. Marriage feels cold and lonely instead of caring, supportive, and close. Hope fades, and couples wonder if the only path to happiness is out the front door.

Yet it’s in the darkest valleys that God’s light can shine most brightly. Instead of driving us apart, our hurt and stress can be the very place where his love is revealed most clearly. If we surrender what we can’t control and trust God is with us in the pain, we find his strength to carry on. Surrendering our hopes and expectations, wants and plans to God lifts a heavy burden off our shoulders.

We don’t have to exhaust ourselves to earn and achieve because we “learned to be content” (Philippians 4:11).

We release the pressure to solve all our problems because we know God is “an ever-present help in trouble” (Psalm 46:1).

Shame and guilt for the past fall away as we receive “God’s abundant provision of grace” through Jesus (Romans 5:17).

We can trust he’ll use seasons of suffering to grow “perseverance, character, and hope” and saturate us in love to the end (v. 4).

Through surrender to the One who created our life together, we can discover all he promised to be for us as his children. And in him, we can commit to holding on to each other as he holds on to us.

Wherever you are on the journey of faith today, we pray you take one new step toward the Father who loves you. Tell him what you’re afraid of. Express the emotions you carry in your marriage. Ask him to soften hearts and give humble courage to own what’s happened between you. Believe that with him, all things are possible. Move closer to God and watch his Spirit turn your hearts toward one another in a fresh new way.

Lord,

I pray for the couple who feels they’ve traveled miles apart in their marriage. Restore patience and understanding. Silence accusations. Heal their hurts and refresh their hope that you can mend what’s broken between them. Ease their fears for tomorrow as they put their trust in you. Let them know your love like never before. Amen.

Questions to share:

When do you feel most loved in our relationship?

What is one step of trust or obedience God might be calling us to take as a couple?

How can we make prayer a consistent part of our weekly rhythm?

Name one sign of God’s goodness that you see in our life together.

Who might we invite into our lives as a mentor for our faith and marriage?

Joanna

Joanna Teigen

Joanna Teigen is a national bestselling author, podcast host, and co-founder of Growing Home Together, a ministry helping families love well, trust God deeply, and bring faith into everyday life. Through her own journey of marriage, foster care and adoption, and raising five children, Joanna has seen how prayer transforms hearts and draws us closer to God and one another. Joanna and her husband Rob make their home in West Michigan. They invite you to connect with them at https://growinghometogether.com/.