A Heart Restored: Hope and Healing in Broken Relationships

Though the phone call began innocently enough, it escalated into a this-is-what-I-really-think-about-you moment. Until I found my voice. “I need to go,” I said. And politely—suddenly—we were disconnected.

My stomach lurched. I had a follow-up conversation set for today, and after talking it over with a trusted friend, I realized I needed to ask for forgiveness. I had thought everything was fine between us before our phone chat, but clearly, it wasn’t. What a mess!

I prayed, asking God for courage and strength. For humility and hope. I believed in God’s grace. Nothing is beyond His unfailing love and divine restoration.

Later that afternoon, we met. Her face appeared chiseled from stone. Her eyes were downcast, arms crossed. As I brought up our previous phone call, I tried to show genuine concern for what she’d said about me, so I could understand how to correct the problem. “You said I was—”

“I never said that,” she interrupted with a downward slash of her hand.

My eyebrows shot up, and I tried to catch her gaze. Why is she lying?

As I hesitated, an image came to mind. A big pink eraser removed her harsh words as if they didn’t exist. I blinked and saw an empty page.

I extended my hand. “Will you forgive me? I’m hoping we can start fresh. With a clean slate.”

Her eyes softened. “Yes, of course,” she murmured. “Me too.”

It was enough.

In that moment, I knew God was with me, helping me to forgive. And I was forgiven as well. Peace flooded my heart.

Moving Forward

I wish I could say that our relationship dramatically improved after that. It didn’t. I felt “held at arm’s length,” and I noticed when she smiled at my friend but flicked her eyes down at the floor instead of meeting my gaze. I felt disliked.

Each time an encounter left me with black smudges on my heart, I remembered the big pink eraser. And I forgave again.

When I turned to God’s Word, I was reminded to “Try to understand other people. Forgive each other. If you have something against someone, forgive him. That is the way the Lord forgave you” (Colossians 3:13 NLV). There is no limit on God’s forgiveness.

When I realized that God’s unconditional grace is for me as well as others, my thankfulness increased. I continued to erase my negative impressions and replace them with positive thoughts. When I deliberately chose to think the best of others, my overall sense of well-being increased.

Moms are Made for Hope and Healing

As mommas and grandmas, one of the most important things we can do is to model the emotional freedom of forgiveness and teach our children how to forgive each other. From small children fighting with siblings, to teens who have fallen into the trap of jealousy and comparison, to young adults struggling with bitterness and considering disassociating from their families, hope and healing that comes with reconciliation is needed in all stages of life.

We can learn how to love others when we remember that “love keeps no record of wrongs,” (1 Corinthians 13:5 NIV).

We can help our kids place their long list of hurts at the foot of the cross.

Together, we can release our burdens to the Savior, who bled and died for our sins, and let Him restore our hearts.

Jesus says, “Even if they sin against you seven times in a day and seven times come back to you saying ‘I repent,’ you must forgive them” (Luke 17:4 NIV). Another Bible version puts forgiveness this way: “[that is, give up resentment and consider the offense recalled and annulled]” (Luke 17:4 AMP).

We can show our families that when someone asks for our forgiveness, we can give up our resentment and right to justice, knowing that our God is the perfect judge.

As moms, love begins with us.

• Bless those who hurt you.

-Matthew 5:44 NLV, “But I tell you, love those who hate you. Pray for those who do bad things to you and who make it hard for you.”

• Walk away (sometimes) instead of engaging in every battle.

-Proverbs 19:11 NIV, “It is to one’s glory to overlook an offense.”

• Hang in there, think the best of your tribe, and keep showing up.

-2 Corinthians 4:1 NIV, “Therefore, since through God’s mercy we have this ministry, we do not lose heart.”

We can help free our kids when we define offenses as sharp arrows that the enemy uses to wound us. We can teach them how to pluck them out, however painful, and toss them aside, allowing Jesus to heal and restore our damaged and broken hearts.

And we can offer comfort and initiate restoration when they are in need of hope and healing.

A Path to Reconciliation

Reconciliation comes with true forgiveness. Current research suggests that over 30 percent of Americans have an estranged relationship with a family member, and when a relationship is severed, a temporary reprieve is replaced by long-term depression. More than ever in today’s hurting world, we need restoration for our relationships.

It can be hard to understand someone else’s point of view when all we know is our own experience. But when we live according to God’s Word, we can learn to “Live together in harmony, live together in love, as though you had only one mind and one spirit between you. None of you should think only of his own affairs, but should learn to see things from other people’s point of view” (Philippians 2:2, 4 Phillips). We can show Christ’s love to one another by listening, forgiving, and bearing each other’s burdens.

Expressing empathy and compassion means listening well and then sharing our perspective with humility and vulnerability.

In a recent conversation with my stepmom, she acknowledged that the role of a stepparent is challenging. I am a daughter, and also, a stepdaughter. Sometimes, in a blended family, there are unique issues that that we have to deal with. Attitudes or perceptions that we need to release in order to embrace God’s plan. When we understand that God desires “To bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning” (Isaiah 61:3 NIV), we can embrace our relationships as a gift from Him. God is in the business of restoring individual hearts and whole families.

Healing and Restoration

Forgiveness can be accomplished in five minutes or it can take five years or more. It depends on individual personalities and the willingness of those committing to the conversation.

My husband and I distanced ourselves from my parents for about a year. A simple misunderstanding was magnified in a stepdaughter’s broken heart.

But when we turned to the Lord’s loving arms for healing and accepted His gracious help, we felt ready to seek reconciliation. One evening, we gathered our courage and knocked on my parents’ door. My voice quavered with my honest admission, “I’m sorry for the hurtful words I said.”

My apology was met with hugs around. And then we got out the Pinochle deck and enjoyed laughter, snacks, and a card game around the table. Hearts restored. We embraced our family—living in close community and enjoying the stability and wisdom of our loving parents, now grandparents to our seven kids.

A Powerful Tool to Help Us Forgive

Prayer is the tool that unlocks forgiveness. Romans 12:12 tells us to “Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer” (NIV). As I began to pray for those who have hurt me or chosen to walk away from our relationship, my heart began to change. As I asked our Heavenly Father to bless them, I felt overwhelmed with love and joy. And I experienced lasting peace.

I have learned that sometimes there are situations where reconciliation isn’t achievable. When this happens, reach out to God who promises to comfort us in our troubles. His answer for this is found in Romans 12:18, “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone” (NIV). We are to do our part and leave the result to the Lord. God is sovereign over our relationships, and we can surrender to Him those we love.

Let’s trust Him to hold our tomorrows and provide healing and restoration for our hearts today.

Reflection, Scripture Memory, & Prayer

Do you need to forgive someone? First, remember God’s tender mercy for you. Then, ask God to help you erase the fault in your mind. Commit to forgiveness if the incident comes to mind again.

“Most of all, love one another deeply. Love erases many sins by forgiving them.”

-1 Peter 4:8 NIRV

Dear Lord, teach me to forgive others as you have forgiven me.

Wendy

Wendy Lynne Smith

Wendy Lynne Smith is passionate about creating a legacy of faith in her home and community. She is freelance writer, homeschool mom of seven, and teacher. She is a regular contributor to Guideposts, Focus on the Family, and the Keys for Kids devotionals. She leads a Moms in Prayer group, speaks at MomCo, and teaches writer’s workshops at Christian conferences around the country. Leisure time is spent at the lake with friends, sitting on the porch Bible in hand, or peddling through the city with her children like ducks in a line.