15 Years In: What’s Actually Helping Our Marriage Thrive

This year marks 15 years of marriage for me and my sweet husband.

The other day, I was driving the kids to an appointment when a song came on that always makes me smile—and instantly makes me think of him:

“If I could buy a house on Memory Lane I'd put my money down, and I'd sign my name On that little corner lot where it don't ever rain And we'd stay good as new like a fresh coat of paint You'd be mine in the shine of a front porch light Yeah, I might as well live there, baby That's where I spend most of my time Thinking 'bout those sunsets that bled into jean jacket nights Those tangled up mornings lost in paradise Still drunk on the feeling when I close my eyes You're pulling me closer, your head on my shoulder We'd never let go, and we'd never be over.”

I know the song is about longing to return to the sweet, early days of love. But when I hear those lyrics, it doesn’t feel like a memory—I feel like I’m living it. Right now. With my husband. We are in the middle of the life I dreamt of for years.

Our Dream Came True… Just Not How We Expected

A few years ago, God orchestrated a whirlwind of unexpected circumstances that moved us into the home, the property, and the way of life we had prayed for. The timing wasn’t right. Our finances weren’t right. We weren’t prepared. But in just two months, everything flipped upside down—and we landed in a little country house on three acres in rural Virginia. At the time, we had three kids, and now we have four. There are woods to play in, gravel roads for bike rides, cicadas singing at sunset, fireflies blinking in the trees, and more stars in the sky than I can count.

Sometimes I still get teary-eyed looking around at this life we’re building together—kids filling the rooms, chickens in the backyard, bread rising in the oven. It's not perfect, but it’s beautiful.

That moment in the car, singing along to that song, I realized I needed to write about this—not to say, “Yay us!” or to make anyone feel bad if they’re not in a great season. And certainly not because we have it all figured out. (Spoiler: we don’t.)

We are still in the early years, raising young kids (and almost teenagers), juggling jobs, late nights, and full calendars. But we’re in a good place right now—and I wanted to share a few things that have helped us get here.

These aren’t formulas or foolproof steps. I’m just sharing what I’ve learned, what’s made a difference for us, and what God has taught me. So take this, test it against Scripture, common sense, and whatever helps you discern truth—and take what’s helpful.

Here we go...

1. Have sex often.

Welp. Just wanted to rip that Band-Aid off first.

We don’t talk about this enough as Christian women. Many of us grew up with shame or silence around sex—and brought that into the marriage bed. And that silence has cost us dearly. Sex is important in a godly marriage.

I’ll say it plainly:You can’t have a thriving, godly marriage if you're not having sex—or if you’re annoyed every time your husband wants to.

Let me say it another way...

• Are you easily irritable? You probably need more sex.

• Feeling disconnected? Have more sex.

• Not attracted to him right now? Have more sex.

• Struggling to have fun together? You guessed it—have more sex.

• Too busy or too tired? Still—have more sex.

• Insecure about your body? Have. More. Sex.

  
  

Now, I'm not saying sex fixes everything. It doesn't. But I’ve been in seasons where it wasn’t a priority, where I was rarely “in the mood,” and guess what? I was more moody, more disconnected, more tired, more irritated... because we needed that connection.

Three separate times, God brought deep conviction to my heart about how I was withholding myself from my husband—not intentionally, but consistently. I was tired. I didn’t feel good about my body. I had a million to-dos racing through my head. But none of that changed the fact that our marriage was suffering because we weren’t physically connected.

Looking back, I see it now: it was spiritual warfare. The enemy would love nothing more than to keep Christian couples disconnected, discouraged, and divided.

So, friend—I don’t care if you’re tired, annoyed, insecure, or overwhelmed. Go have sex with your husband. A lot. You’ll be amazed how many of those struggles start to soften. I know I like my husband a whole lot more when we’re close. He’s cuter, funnier, sweeter, sexier... and I feel cuter, funnier, sweeter, and sexier too.

2. Laugh together often.

This is something we do really well. We laugh—a lot. We’re playful, goofy, competitive, sarcastic, and just plain silly. We watch funny movies. We crack jokes. We make fun of each other (playfully). And we genuinely have fun being around each other.

Laughter matters.

Laughter won’t solve every problem, but it will carry you through so many of them.

Marriage is hard sometimes. Life is even harder. You need joy as a weapon, as a balm, and as glue. Prioritize fun. Be intentional about joy. Make space for laughter and silliness. It will carry you through the hard seasons when everything else feels too heavy.

3. Talk about your faith frequently.

There were a few seasons where I felt like I was thriving spiritually—and I assumed my husband wasn’t. I figured he wasn’t reading his Bible as much or wasn’t connecting with God like I was.

Funny thing—every time I brought it up, expecting to “encourage” him into spiritual depth, I’d find he was actually deeper in the Word than I was. God was teaching him things I hadn’t even considered. Instant conviction. Pride—shattered.

Don’t assume your husband is spiritually disconnected just because he expresses it differently. Ask him questions—not to test him, but to know him.

Even if his answer isn’t earth-shattering, it gives me insight into his heart. Sometimes he’s wrestling. Sometimes he’s thriving. Sometimes he needs prayer. Sometimes he encourages me.

Spiritual intimacy doesn’t just happen—it’s built through honest, humble conversation.

So what about you, sis?

How is your marriage doing in this season? What have you learned that could encourage another woman on her journey? I’d love to hear from you—because we’re all figuring it out as we go and your insight, experience, and wisdom is important too!