Seven Steps to Make an Intergenerational Connection

Finally, she made it to church and whispered a grateful prayer. The aroma of her just-purchased coffee greeted her. Taking a sip, she searched for her friends. Instead, she saw the young woman across the room. They met before; she scoured her brain for her name, but it was gone. Embarrassed, she decided not to approach her. After all, the younger woman seemed engrossed in her phone.

The young woman sits alone, trying to concentrate on the words of the music playing before the service begins. Maybe those words will soothe her nervous heart. Self-consciously, she scrolls through her phone to avoid eye contact with those around her. She prays someone will talk to her but is too anxious to initiate a conversation.

Across churches in America, this occurs regularly. Women of all ages desire relationships with one another but often feel an invisible barrier keeping them apart. Often, I hear I have nothing to offer, I disagree. You can offer yourself. Trust me when I say most of us love to be noticed in a crowd, but we don’t know how to start.

How do we bridge this divide?

1.       Pray before you go out.

This may seem obvious, but I need this reminder! I can get caught up in what I need to do and then miss the God appointments in front of me. I encourage you to ask the Holy Spirit to make you aware of the people around you.  This practice turns our focus toward others. It prompts us to surrender and let the Lord lead.

2.       Say hello.

Sunday mornings can be hectic, especially if you have little ones. Get your kiddos where they need to be, take a deep breath, and then take a moment to observe the women around you. Greeting another is a simple gesture that means so much in this lonely world. Did you know this exchange boosts our mood? It makes others feel seen. In turn, look for the woman who sees you.

3.       Learn their name.

Repeat their name to help you remember it. Hearing your name engages your brain and helps you connect with the other person. This beautiful design allows us to connect and build relationships.

Don’t be dismayed if you forget a name. Trust me, it happens to me all the time! Yes, it can be awkward, but ask again, repeat it, and keep doing it until you remember. We are all juggling so much information; it may take a bit longer.

4.       Ask an unintrusive but personal question.

Something like:

“What do you do for a living?”

“How was your weekend?”

“Did you grow up around here?”

Follow up with something simple like, “Tell me more about that.” Here is the important part: remember their answer. So often we listen to respond instead of listening to understand. Understanding another person opens the door to a relationship.

5.       Reference your past conversation.

The next time you see them, specifically reference the previous conversation. This makes the other person feel special. They are more than another face in the crowd.

6.       Offer prayer.

This one is huge in the Christian worldview but is also becoming more acceptable in the world at large. Once you hear their prayer request, pray for them. If they are willing, pray then and there.

Follow up to see how they are doing in that area. This caring action continues to build a bridge across any generational divide.

7.       Build the connection.

If you feel the connection, ask the Holy Spirit to guide the friendship. We can be friendly to everyone, but we can only build rich relationships with a few. Trust the Lord to build a mutual friendship between you and your new friend. Building bridges across generations will bless both of you.

Over time, trust builds, and a relationship grows. Built for relationships, we recognize we are better together. United, we work towards the promise of 1 Thessalonians 2:8 (CSB): “We cared so much for you that we were pleased to share with you not only the gospel of God but also our own lives, because you had become dear to us.”

Leslie

Leslie Schonfeld

Leslie Schonfeld is married to David and is the mother of three: Mark, Elizabeth, and Hannah. Her family joyfully expanded in the fall of 2022 when John married Elizabeth. Leslie loves speaking and writing about the intergenerational Kingdom of God, drawing from her passion for mentoring and building bridges across generations. She previously served as the Women’s Ministry Leader at Christ the King Church in Oxford, Michigan, and now serves as the Family Life Pastor at LakePoint Community Church in Oxford.

When she’s not writing or teaching, Leslie enjoys exploring God’s creation, getting lost in a good book, and savoring sushi.

You can follow Leslie and learn more about her here: https://dragonflyministry.com