...Do not sin.
Conflict. Ugh! Most everyone hates conflict. Many of us will do almost anything to avoid it. We’ll let ourselves get walked all over, spoken down to, and emotionally mishandled just to avoid an argument. A lot of us don’t know how to do conflict well. We either freeze up, get too sharp, or become explosive. So avoidance seems to be the way to go sometimes...
But is it?
Historically, I was an avoider until I just couldn’t take it anymore and then one small thing would tip me over the edge and I’d go off. My tongue would get sharp and my mind would get clear. I’d cut someone down to make the point that how I’ve been treated is unjust. For a moment, it felt SO GOOD to put someone in their place…until it was over. Then it didn’t feel good anymore. I was left with a wounded relationship and shame.
Early on in my marriage, I’d be ready to fight with my husband, yell and holler, and he’d refuse to get amped up with me. I remember one time, he literally said, “Do we have to do this? Can’t we just talk through this and work this out together?” I felt like such a fool. I was! I was ruled by my emotions. That’s foolish. The Lord used him years ago to temper my emotions and help me learn to control myself…rather be led along by the Spirit of God instead of my own sense of justice.
Nowadays, I’m different. Praise God! I can still be an avoider, but I’m no longer an exploder. That is…until the other day.
I’ve been working through some things and have been experiencing what feels like one beat down after another in my life. I’m worn down and some of these things have given me a great sense of injustice. That’s something I cannot stand for. I can put up with a lot, but if I feel I am (or maybe someone else is) being treated unjustly, it boils me.
I called my friend to talk me off the ledge. I wanted to explode. The old me was trying to dig herself up out of the grave and was threatening to come back. In that phone call, I justified to myself “venting” all my feelings to her. Shamefully, I spoke with a sharpness and ugliness that is unbecoming of a daughter of God. She listened and after I finally stopped running my mouth, she said “I think it’s time to take it to Jesus.”
I laid in bed that night still fuming. Still dwelling on all my feelings and the harsh words I had spoken about my circumstances. I was putting my body into fight or flight mode over and over again having these imaginary conversations. I was stressed from my toes up to my eyeballs. I was spiraling.
My husband looked over at me and said, “I love you, but I need to sleep. And so do you. You can’t sleep like this. It’s time to take it to the Lord.”
He was right. My friend was right. I was going to her and my husband looking for the validation of my feelings, when what I really needed was to take it to the Lord and give him these problems, then allow the Holy Spirit to rule over my heart and mind instead of these wild emotions.
Like a pouty child, I went to the Lord in my mind while I laid there. Immediately, I heard, “In your anger, do not sin. Make allowances for one another’s faults, remembering that, in Christ, I forgave you. The world will know you are my disciple if you love one another. Harsh words stir up anger, but a gentle answer turns away wrath.”
I cried. The Word of the Lord was convicting my spirit...not to condemn me for my actions, but to call me into acting like Jesus. I was so worked up about injustice that I didn’t see how I had allowed the sin crouching at my door to work its way into my life through unchecked anger, not setting a guard over my tongue, and disregard for the fact that Christ already covered this sin I was upset over…so who was I to demand payment or justice when it had already been given through the cross?
I have been forgiven much. I just told a friend the other day that I feel like Paul when he called himself the Chief among sinners. How could I allow what began as righteous anger to be twisted into unforgiveness and just plain ugly anger?
The next morning I apologized to my friend for how I acted. I know it’s the way of the world to have someone you can verbally and emotionally barf all over and, so long as you don’t say those ugly things to the person you are angry with, it’s fine. But that’s not the way of God’s people. I was acting pretty worldly.
I repented to the Lord for my words and my heart’s attitude. My lack of trust that He would care for me, defend me, and make a way where there seemed to be no way.
I’ve been faithfully walking with the Lord for 25 years, working in the church, and loving on his Bride. And yet, here we are. How easily sin entangles us!
I always like to write from overflow…what is God doing in my life right now? And then ask you sisters to examine your heart and your life…is God speaking to you about this same thing now? So it’s not from a pedestal I ask this question. I’m still scraping myself off the ground after falling from my high horse. I’m just asking - Am I the only one or is this you too?
Do you struggle to not sin in your anger? It’s easy for me to say, “Well I don’t get violent. I don’t scream and yell anymore, so I don’t sin in my anger.” But is that the only way to sin when you’re angry?
I’ll list a few that I, at times, have turned a blind eye to in my own life:
Venting=Gossiping
Wrath
Unforgiveness
Self-righteousness
Coarse words
Disunity or factions in the church
Lies
Demanding our own way=selfishness
Those can be sneaky because they can feed our sense of justice. But sin is always looking for a crack in the door, a moment when our guard is down, and it can get a foothold in our heart. Don’t let it. You are a child of God! We don’t act this way. We are…
Extravagant forgivers
Big in our love
Believe the best
Trust the Lord to fight our battles
Don’t demand our own ways
Seek unity for the church
Repair broken relationships
Give gentle answers
Truth tellers
Surrendered to God’s way of handling conflict instead of the world’s!
So what is God saying to you about this? Is it time to take it to the Lord?
Tonight I am praying for you to make peace in your relationships, preserve the unity of the Church, and pursue righteousness in all areas of your life, sweet sister. The Lord has empowered you to obey Him in this, just as He has for me. It's time to do what the Word says...be angry, but do not sin.
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