Written by: Alexandria Brown
I recently watched a short that was going around the gram and it was talking about how marriage is not a 50/50 pursuit. It spoke on how the idea that the load of life and love and everything in between should always be split 50/50 is a lie. This was so contrary to everything I had ever been taught and yet what the lady spoke was leaking wisdom all over the place.
Now, I don’t know if she was a Christ follower or not, but when the lady in the video spoke something connected in my head and in my heart. She spoke about how sometimes her or her spouse just have nothing left. The day, the circumstances, the experiences and expectations have just taken most or all that they had. At the end of the day they could never even try to muster up 20 let alone 50/50. And so that’s what they did…they started putting a number to it and recognizing it out loud to each other.
Sometimes the husband would come home beat up and tore down and say he has 30 or 40 and she would muster up the 70 or 60. Other times She would come home and say she has 10, he would come up with the 90. I think you get the picture.
After seeing this video I began thinking about it throughout the evening and there was such a release in my spirit. The Bible says, “Though one may be overcome, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.” Ecc 4:12. Marriage is a partnership, but what happens when one of the partners are to weak to stand?
More often than I would like to admit, I find myself frustrated and overwhelmed with all of the tasks at hand. Annoyed that all of the things that I want done are not done and instead of my honey do list getting shorter it only gets longer (my own fault).
Have you ever noticed that when you are already frustrated you notice more things that frustrate you? You come home and you see that the house is a mess. Then you start to notice the clothes all over the floor and then you notice the yard need mowed and on and on and on...Not you? Just me?
What you focus on expands. When I am busy focusing on the things that need to get done all I can see are things that should be done and aren’t which in turn only creates more frustration and irritation. I miss all of the things that have been done, and more importantly I miss the person right in front of me! I’m so concerned with what he has not done that I miss what I should be, could be doing. I miss the opportunity to love him right where he is at.
Marriage has never been about fixing your spouse despite what many people believe. Instead, it should about growing yourself. Allowing God to build and grow your character and heal you from past wounds to reveal the person you were created to be.
When I am walking out MY identity the way God intended I no longer see the flaws and annoyances, rather I see my husband the way God sees my husband. Through love and compassion. It is then that I am able to see beyond the clothes on the floor and the honey do list to the brave, courageous, strong, provider and leader that he is. It’s about making me better. It’s about being there for the person, our person. It’s about loving each other enough to lift each other up not shove each other down. When we both are striving to out love each other, that’s when we truly win.
So whether or not you decided to implement the number system or something else is up to you. I want to encourage you to find a way. Let’s get rid of the 50/50 mindset and begin to speak into your husband. Pray over your husband. Encourage your husband. We are women and we are strong. We don’t need permission to try and love our husbands better, we just find a way. It doesn’t have to be perfect. YOU, you don’t have to be perfect! And when we start to show up in a new way in our marriage watch God bless that sister! Give the Lord permission to to help you become a better wife and ask Him to reveal to you how He sees your husband and watch Him do mighty things in your marriage.
Love you Sis,
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