"Leadership" Featuring Pam Smith & Melanie Resendes

Earlier this year, our team gathered together to pray and decide on topics that we felt the Lord was putting before us to encourage, challenge, and strengthen women around the world this year through our blog, videos, and discussion on the Community. The topic of LEADERSHIP was brought to the table and immediately, two women came to mind... Pam Smith and Melanie Resendes. After talking with them and reading their thoughts on leadership, I (Lyndsay) was in tears. I needed to hear so much of this personally and I felt a big, fat confirmation that our choice in asking them to partner with us on the topic of leadership was 100% the Lord's influence and leading! 

Pam and Melanie desperately love Jesus, their families, and the work God has put before them. While both are Boss Babes, each of them bring different strengths to their teams and have their own leadership style heavily influenced by Jesus and the leading of the Holy Spirit. We are so blessed to call them each a friend and have this conversation together today! I'll let them introduce themselves and we'll let's get this thing started...
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First of all, a little about me. My name is Melanie Resendes.  I am a child of God, a daughter of the King, a wife, a mother, a sister and daughter, a dentist, a business owner, and a girl-boss.  I don’t define myself by any of these earthly things, but they all definitely define me.  I am also an extroverted relater, an academic, and to call me a control freak would be a gross understatement.  Haha!  😊  No seriously, I am 40 years old this year, and have been practicing dentistry since I was 26.  I bought my own practice 8 years ago, and recently (2 months ago!) bought a second dental practice.  I am married to a man who is my complete opposite, whom I love dearly, but who also drives me crazy at times.  I am a mother of 3 – an 18 year old, acquired as a teenager through a very God-led adoption; a 4 year old, my rainbow baby, acquired biologically after a lengthy battle with infertility; and a soon-to-be-born baby girl, who will be making her appearance within the next month!  And yes, if you caught that, I bought a dental practice, while very pregnant, during a pandemic.  That’s pretty much my life.  😊  I try to do too much, to take it all on, to over-achieve.  So that sets the stage for my responses. 

My name is Pam Smith, I am married to Matt, who is an Associate Pastor. I am mother to two beautiful, wonderful and wild children. I work for the YMCA of Greater Richmond as the Senior Operations Director for Youth Development.  My first job was as a full time Children's Minister and Matt was a Youth Minister. Along the way, I started working for the YMCA and now - 14 years later - I help lead the largest provider of childcare in the state of Virginia. What drew me into the YMCA is a dedication to the core values of caring, honesty, respect and responsibility. I truly believe God called me to serve at the YMCA and to witness to children and staff who may never enter the doors of the church. I have the honor and privilege of leading complex, diverse staff teams and sites that span the central region of Virginia. Each day is crazy, both at home and at work - and I wouldn't have it any other way. I believe God calls us to a life of challenge and growth. Also, I love vanilla ice cream, Haribo gummy bears and the color green. 

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Lyndsay: So many of us women are leaders in more than just one area of our life and that certainly is true for both of you. Is it hard for you to transition from being a workforce leader to leading in your home? And how does your leadership look different in those two spheres?

Pam: Early in my career, this was a struggle for me - to find my footing in my profession and to be a support system for my husband. After over 16 years of marriage, it comes as second nature. I have learned to embrace that we are each wonderfully complex creations. God has given us talents that are useful in a multitude of ways. I can use my gift of compassion to soothe crying babies in the nursery on Sunday, and my gift of teaching to train 300 staff on the subject of trauma informed care practices on Monday. Both of these gifts are God given and build up the kingdom in different ways. I don't have to be defined by one avenue of my life - and neither do you. I proactively choose to step on the status quo  and to ask myself - what does God require of me today? And then to be bold about serving Him.  At work, I oversee many staff and make decisions that are intricate and high risk. At home, I support my husband and lead my children. I want them to know that Jesus gives us freedom to fearlessly pursue our passion for the glory of HIS KINGDOM.

Melanie: Yes, to be honest, this is one of THE most difficult things for me to do.  I am, by nature, a perfectionist and control freak, so being a home leader in a godly way would be difficult for me no matter what.   But being a “girlboss” and business owner outside of the home makes this even more challenging.  At work, I am the leader; I am the doctor and I wear the “boss” hat.  I make decisions all day long, not only about patients and clinical care, but also regarding human resources and business decisions.  As the owner, there is even added pressure, in that I have no one else to whom I can default questions, or “go up the chain.”  I am IT.  The buck stops with me.  I often feel the weight of it all on my shoulders… not only for my own livelihood, but also for the team members I employ.  So when I get home, it is VERY hard for me to take off that “boss” hat, lay down that perceived need to control it all, and become both a servant leader in my home as well as a teammate and helpmate for my husband.  I find it much easier to stay in that work mindset, trying to micromanage both my kids and my husband, with the expectation that they do things MY way.  It is easy for me to want to keep making all the decisions, to disregard my husband’s input or preferences, or to leave him out of the process altogether! God is continually doing a work in me to learn to let my husband be the leader in our home.  I am working on submitting to his role as head of the home and our marriage, as well as relinquishing that need to control my kids, as this has only caused me endless amounts of stress and frustration! He is also working in me to let that “weight of the world on my shoulders” feeling go, and to rest in the knowledge that HE is ultimately in control.  
    Leading in these two spheres looks similar in some ways, however, as I have found that the most effective way to influence others is to be willing to do myself all that I expect of them.  At work, I am capable and willing to do every aspect of what is needed there.  I will take the trash out, do the laundry, clean a room, schedule a patient, or file charts if needed.  My team members regularly see me willing to do all the things I expect from them, and I think it builds their trust in and respect for me.  At home, I feel most effective when I lead by example as well.  If I expect the kids to make their beds, then I should make mine too.  (I don’t, by the way…. Just in case you wondered. 😊 ) If I want them to read their bible and pray, then they should see me doing those things as well.  If I want them to be kind and respectful, then I must demonstrate that myself as well.  Though I definitely don’t get it all right, I strive to avoid hypocrisy as much as I can, for I believe it undermines my ability to influence well.

Lyndsay: Both of you touched on something... Pam, you said that you ask yourself "What does God require of me today?" and Melanie, you shared about letting God reshape you - particularly as a leader in your home. For many of us, communicating with God when it comes to making decisions about how we lead (or anything for that matter) can be confusing or difficult. What advice would you give other women about connecting with God and confidently moving forward?​

Pam: I think if you are connecting with God on a regular basis and seeking HIS glory and HIS kingdom, you can move confidently forward with whatever God has called you to. I don't stop and wait for confirmation for every decision (for big decisions - YES for sure!) I filter my actions through these layers - is it in God's Word? Is it in God's will (global or personal)? If the answer to these is yes, then I feel like I can move forward with confidence, though the path may not be clear, I know this - God never changes.  Verses that I use to guide my steps include -
James 1:27    “Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.”
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Matthew 25:40    "And the King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of Mine, you did for Me." ​

Lyndsay: On the topic of connecting with God, how does prayer play a role in all the areas you lead?

Melanie: Prayer plays a huge role in my leadership both at home and at work, though I still need it to play an even bigger role.  I am fully aware of my own inadequacies in all areas of my life, so I lean into God and His power to hold me, sustain me, and guide me.  I start my day, most days, by calling on His name, or saying the name of Jesus literally as soon as I sit up in bed each morning.  I rarely ever get enough sleep because I am a night owl and am terrible about going to bed when I know I NEED to, so every morning I’m exhausted when my alarm goes off or I am woken by my four year old.  I call on God to help me even get my feet to the floor.  But, more importantly, I know that I am nothing without His presence and power in my life.  I know I can do nothing apart from Him, but rather can do ALL things with Him who strengthens me.  Having said that, I’m not sure why, but I find it much easier to pray for home life things rather than my work.  It’s natural for me to take my kids and my husband, my heart or attitude, our finances, and our future to Him in prayer.  However, for some reason, though my mind KNOWS that I need to pray over all aspects of my work, it feels like I often allow the enemy to deceive me into thinking that I can somehow do THAT on my own.  It’s a lie, I know.  This is why I need prayer to play an even bigger role in my life.  There have been seasons, when things were especially stressful, or I had big decisions to make at work, where I prayed more about it.  And when I did, God was always faithful to meet me right where I was.  He has blessed my business abundantly, and for that I am eternally grateful.  As I mentioned earlier, He is continually doing a work in me, teaching me to let go of all the weight I feel, both at home AND at work, and to run to Him, to lay it all at His feet, and rest in His care. 

Pam: On my way to work each day I ask God - what would you have me do today in this city? for these children? for this staff? and then I really try to listen and follow through. This has led me to pursue some bold goals at work - to serve thousands more kids - to grow beyond my ability to handle - because I knew God was present in day to day decisions. My staff know that my door is always open for prayer - they know that I care about them, not just as professionals but as people. We have an important job to do, and we will do it well. But, we don't do it alone and I believe praying for each other strenghtens the staff. We begin our meetings with prayer, and in my personal prayer life, I pray for each staff person by name. 

Lyndsay: None of us like to talk about it, but I think it's one of those things that we often pretend "If I can't see it, it's not there,"... however, FAILURE as a leader IS there, we CAN see it, and we HAVE to talk about it. How do you handle failure in leadership? And how can you gain your momentum back when you get knocked down?​

Pam: I think failure is an essential part of leadership. I have failed many times, sometimes TERRIFICALLY.  What makes the difference for my staff is how I handle that failure.  Humility is the only way to go - being able to say, "Team - this one is on me. I am sorry and I will try to do better." People don't expect me to be perfect, but they do expect me to be honest - because that is one of my core values. I think showing the team that I am a flawed leader creates a culture of innovation. We can try pretty much ANYTHING - and we may stumble upon something wonderful in the process. I find this also to be true at home as I lead my family - to be humble enough to say - I messed up - I raised my voice and I am sorry. Let me try again. It models for my children that we all fall short of the the glory of God. Perfection is the enemy - embrace  yourself as a messy work in PROGRESS!

Melanie: Failure in leadership is something with which I am very familiar.  Whether at work or at home, I fail in effective leadership on a regular basis.  I have found, for me, the best thing I can do is humble myself, ask for forgiveness, and try not to make excuses for my behavior or choices.  At work, I have had conversations with my team members, apologizing for a poor choice I made, or a lack of decisive leadership at times.  I will thank them for their patience with me, and ask them to help hold me accountable the next time so that I don’t make the same mistake again.  I have found that humility goes a long way toward rebuilding trust and regaining momentum after I have failed miserably.  At home, I try very hard, when I have lost my temper, raised my voice too loud, or made a bad choice in parenting, to apologize openly to my kids, ask for forgiveness, and not make excuses for my behavior.  Though I find it much easier to blame my kids or my husband for my outburst or my choice, I know that effective leadership lies in humbly taking responsibility for my own actions.  This has helped rebuild my kids’ trust and respect for me time and time again, and opens the door to regaining that momentum after a failure.  

Lyndsay: Both of you focused on humility being a key factor in your rebuilding after failure. I can attest to that truth! Continuing on, John Maxwell has a great quote that, I think, hits on both success and failure in leadership, "Everything rises and falls on leadership." What do you think about that statement from Maxwell? Have you seen any truth in that?

Pam: Yes I see lots of truth in that statement. Another John Maxwell quote that I embrace is "Speed of the leader, speed of the team." I have to model for my team, what I expect from my team. It is my responsibility to consistently put the mission in front of them and then head for it myself - as I require of them. I have to be firm, fair and consistent. A staff that knows what to expect from me, can reach and exceed those expectations. I want the staff to know that I will give them the same answer, no matter who asks me, on what day of the week, and no matter my mood. 

Lyndsay: While the juggling of motherhood and working outside the home doesn't apply to every woman, I think every woman can find a way to relate to the problem of "finding balance" in our lives. So, Melanie... what does balance look like for you?

Melanie: The work/life balance….  Is there really such a thing??  😊  I am just like many working moms I know… when I’m at work, I feel guilty for not being at home.  When I’m at home, I feel like there are things I should or could be doing for work and I’m thinking about how to improve or grow my business.  So balance can be very difficult!!  Fortunately, I have always worked in a field with only a four-day work week, so I’ve always had an extra day to “get things done” at home.  Balancing work with my marriage was easier in the beginning, as I had copious amounts of time to devote to our home and him.  However, when I became a mother a few years ago, I struggled to find this so-called balance.  And it’s still a challenge!  After my son was born, I took a lot of time off for maternity leave, and then chose to hire another associate dentist to work a day a week to allow me to be home another day with him.  This has been a huge financial sacrifice, but one I was willing to make to allow me to find the best of both worlds at home and at work.  Still, because I own my business, the work never really ends, and I have to discipline myself regularly to focus on being PRESENT with my family when I am home.  I try to enjoy all the little things and live in the moment when I’m home – to leave my work at work as much as possible, and to make every moment count.  Likewise, when I’m at work, though my family comes first, I try to leave all my home stress at the door and focus my energy on my team and my patients.  My philosophy is, if I’m going to work, then I need to work at it with all of my heart, as though working for the Lord, and not for men.  (Colossians 3:23)  God has called me into dentistry and business ownership, and I take that calling seriously.  He uses me daily to bless people with my gifts, talents, and expertise, and I see my work as part of my ministry.  He has also called me to marriage and motherhood, so I take that seriously as well.  I have had to get really good at not being “perfect”, to use my free time wisely and efficiently (by the way, I am TERRIBLE at this!!), and to take help wherever I can get it.  Though I want to “do it all”, I just can’t.  My mom used to help me with laundry quite a bit when she would keep my son while I was at work.  At one point, pre-Covid, we hired a housekeeping service to come clean every 2 weeks so at least SOME housework got done sometimes!!  😊 And we recently hired a nanny who is incredibly gifted at teaching my four year old all the letters and numbers that I just couldn’t seem to get through his head!!  She is doing some pre-K lessons with him, and I have had to let go of my expectation that I should be able to be everything to everybody – supermom, superwife, and superboss.  Like I said, it’s still a struggle, and a work in progress.  But God is faithful to uphold me, sustain me, and provide.

Lyndsay: Okay, last question. What would you say is the most important leadership principle to live by or the best leadership advice you've been given?

Pam: I think the principle of stewardship is incredibly important. Especially in today's instant gratification society. Very rarely, do you start with the dream. You have to start with what God gives you and be a faithful steward.

Luke 16:10 - "Whoever can be trusted with very little can also be trusted with much, and whoever is dishonest with very little will also be dishonest with much".

As you show yourself faithful to the calling - God will enlarge the territory (as in the Prayer of Jabez). You must be faithful in the little things - taking out the trash each night, being kind when no one sees, honesty in finances, keeping your word to those around you. As God works in your heart through these little things - He will increase the boundaries of your leadership. In one of my early roles within the YMCA, we started with 25 students in one site. We worked hard, gained trust and poured our hearts into those students. Seven years later, when I left that position, we were serving over 300 students daily in 13 different schools. Stewardship and faithfulness -  at the end of my life I want to hear these words.... 

Matthew 25:21 - "His master replied, 'Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Enter into the joy of your master!'

Melanie: As I’ve mentioned before, I think the most important leadership principles are both humility – willingness to admit failure without making excuses for your actions – and the desire to avoid hypocrisy, by being willing to do yourself whatever you are asking of others.  They go hand in hand, in my opinion, and have been principles that have served me well over the years.  Godly leadership also requires an intentional commitment to seeking the Father’s will through prayer and worship, and time spent listening to His voice -- learning to discern HIS voice amid all the other “noise” of life.  God is faithful to uphold, sustain, guide, and speak – we need only to listen. 

Melanie and Pam, thank you both for letting us glean from your fields here on the blog. We've got some real nourishment, encouragement, and refreshment from you both today! We appreciate your candor, vulnerability, and wisdom. You both have some deep wells and we are so so grateful for you, your ministries, and all that God is doing in you, through you, and around you. 

​We'd love to continue this conversation with all of you beautiful women on the Community so head over there and let's chat!

Did God speak to you through this conversation today?

What is He showing you?

How can we support you or champion you to grow in leadership and obey Jesus more today than yesterday?

You are so loved, 

Pretty & Wise Co.