Today my husband and I celebrate 13 years of marriage. Wow. 13 years. I simply can not believe I am old enough to say that despite my oldest’s constant reminders of my “maturity” LOL.
13 years of laughs, tears, struggles, victory, patience and perseverance. 13 years of career changes, ministry, moves, and family life. I look back on our life together and I smile. Don’t get me wrong, our life was and is not always rainbows and cinnamon rolls. We have had times where we felt like giving up. Where we felt like giving in. Yet we chose to stay. There are things that we have gone through that we would not wish on anyone, and even still we would not change a thing.
Every step God has used. Every step God has redeemed.
I’m a doer. It is very easy and sometimes even typical for me to fill up my (our) day with stuff to accomplish or do. Sometimes it’s as simple as getting chores done or our Goer (RV) ready, or taking the kids to a local fun center or jump place, going over to a friend or family members house. My love language is acts of service so for me doing the “to-do list” is a way that I receive love, especially if we are doing it together.
My husband and my children’s love languages are so far from accomplishing a “task” together that for them it leaves them exhausted, overworked and maybe even a little unloved at times. I cannot effectively show them love unless I begin speaking and acting in their love languages.
Back a few years ago, my husband and I were in marriage counseling, (yes, that’s right, it is not a dirty word) and I have never forgotten the words our counselor told us. He asked each of us ‘How much do you love your spouse?’ Of course our automatic reply was ‘With all that I have, my whole heart.’ You know what he told us?!? “No, actually you don’t. You simply love them the most you know how.”
(Insert mind-blown emoji) That simple statement brought with it so much hope and peace and assurance. I could love more and feel more loved? That was a thing? We had room to not only heal, but to grow even closer still? To know each other more intimately?
Can I let you in on a little secret? Spoiler alert: We could not have done it on our own. We had to make a conscious effort to each seek God in our individual lives and you know what happened? In seeking God we drew closer to each other. All these years later we have found that sometimes we need to slow down. Sometimes we need to stop doing the daily tasks and choose to see each other. More than just unload how our day was after dinner.
We have to ask the hard questions and seek the uncomfortable answers and allow each other the time to do just that.
Please don’t hear what I am not saying, I do not believe that all the familiar is a bad thing. Familiar can be amazing. My husband is my person and as such he knows me like nobody else. He sees my crazy. He sees my sorrow. He sees my joy. And I let him see it because I feel safe with him. And still there is always so much more for us. There is always a deeper level of intimacy to be had, whether with your spouse, your children, or your Heavenly Father. We just have to look for it and then be willing to receive it.
God built us for godly-relationships. We were made to be known, truly known. We were made in the image of a triune God. The same God who knew everyday of our lives before we were ever born. We were never meant to be alone. We don’t have to look very far in the Bible to find that out.
Regardless of where you are at in your walk in life today, whether you are a wife, a mother, a daughter and friend I pray that you take the time to invest. Invest in your relationship with God. Invest in your relationships with the people that God has placed in your life.
Love you Sis!
Y’all pray for my husband, because under my nice put together face is probably the most obnoxious person you have ever met. 13 YEARS!!!
Written By: Alexandria Brown
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