I AM

It was late night and everyone in the house was asleep. I was sitting on the couch crying. Again. This was a bad cycle I had found myself in. Depression is a thief and right now it wasn’t only stealing my sleep but it was stealing my joy as well. And I felt helpless to fight it. I had done all the normal things that helped - talk about it, get some sunshine, take my medicine, push on - but none of it was helping now. What else could I do? The obvious answer from the other side didn’t seem so obvious then. I did however, reach for my Bible and with tears prayed for a word from God to help ease this deep sorrow enough that I could at least sleep. As always, He showed up. 

Psalm 107: 8-9 “Let them give thanks to the Lord for his unfailing love and his wonderful deeds for mankind, for he satisfies the thirsty and fills the hungry with good things.”

I latched onto these verses and thought that if I was ever hungry and thirsty for God, now was the time. I needed to remember to be thankful. His promise for wonderful deeds and satisfaction if I just reach out to Him. This was the lifeline I needed. As I prayed in that moment I also heard the words “I AM” resonating within my heart. 

I knew from growing up in church that God used this phrase to refer to himself with the children of Israel. In Exodus 3:14 it says “God said to Moses, “I AM WHO I AM. This is what you are to say to the Isrealites: ‘I AM has sent me to you.’” 

This meant something to them because it was telling the Israelites that the God their fathers had worshiped - that THEY worshiped - was the one who was sending Moses. What was this supposed to mean to me at this moment? 

God is eternal and constant and wants me to lean on him. He sends us help and comfort through the Holy Spirit. I had been running away. I had been trying to overcome things on my own. While I believe that I need the medication, because there is a time and place for it, I also think that I need God! He was telling me I AM for you. I AM here to comfort you. I AM listening. But most importantly he was telling me I AM enough. The same God that called Israel out of enslavement in Egypt was caring about me right now. He cared that I wasn’t sleeping, that I was feeling hopeless. He cared that my days felt heavy and lost. He wanted me to turn to Him. He wanted me to remember His power was what would help me through. As much as I wanted someone to take away the sadness, no one in my life could do that. They weren’t meant to. God made me and knew what I needed. He wants to satisfy me - if I will let him.

I was able to sleep after that. It was a corner that I turned in that cycle of depression. Of course, I might have another round of the same. But, that verse will be much quicker to come to my mind and comfort me. I will be faster to remember to turn to God, I hope. 

What is the great I AM trying to tell you? I AM….?

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Written bY: Angie Reese

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