Have you ever tried to plan something, anything, and had to keep changing different things? I’m not talking about the little things like who is sitting where or who is doing what. I’m talking about how life was supposed to look. How your marriage was suppose to be. How you would raise your little (or big family)? And instead of it looking how you picture it, life throws curve balls and the very people or things you were counting on have shifted their stance making your life one crazy hectic rollercoaster that you don’t know how to get off of shifting your life from the good to the bad and ugly…
Life is funny like that sometimes. People are funny. Even our own selves are the culprits sometimes. If only we lived in a world were everyone was perfect one hundred percent of the time doing one hundred percent of what we should. HA! Right. But, then again, how boring would that be. Making mistakes is one of the greatest gifts that we have in this life. Stay with me here… Ok so maybe not the mistake itself, but the gift of reconciliation through and in love that we get when we finally choose to clean up our mess whatever that may look like. That, that is a gift that only a messy life being cleaned up can give.
I have gone through some tough times in my life. Some when I was young, some in my marriage, some in my walk with Jesus, and some from me just plain being stupid. There where times in my life when I wonder what in the world is going on? Why has this happened? Will I survive? How can anyone make it through this? What was I thinking? There were times when I cried. Times when I hurt. Times when I laughed and loved and times when I have never felt so alone. There are times that I would not ever wish on my worst enemy, but even if you offered me all the money in the world I would not trade a single one of the bad times.
I hear ya… “Yeah right Alexandria, everyone has a price.” But the truth is, if you took away even one part of my past or present experiences, I wouldn’t be me. Because it is in the dark places that I found the brightest light. It is when there was no plan B that I was made aware just how much my God loves me. And until you have been to that darkest of places, that LOVE that we just love to talk about is only an idea, a notion that is fleeting and there when we need to comfort someone, or ourselves, with the right words or things. It’s the idea of love that we have, not the undeniable belief and understanding of love that only comes through really experiencing it.
The Bible in numerous places talks about hearts being hardened, and because their hearts were hardened they didn't understand. I believe that those dark moments that we go through in our life can soften our hearts and teach us Love. Real Love. Agape Love. Not because we are standing in the dark, dark in itself does not, cannot teach, but it is the darkness that makes us more aware of the littlest light. We were not created as children of the dark, but children of the light. We crave it, need it even. When we come to that place where we lack light in our life it is up to us to open our eyes and seek it out. We are not going to be perfect. We will stumble, but we must not give up. We must not quit. Keep going. Keep moving. Only then will we receive understanding of that Love that most people talk about. And only when we have experienced that Love can we share it.
You see, when we are walking through our “stuff” God promises that He will never leave us or forsake us that He will be our light. In Romans 8 it talks about nothing in all of creation being as strong as God’s perfect Love for me. I take that to mean literally whatever I come up against in my life, my God’s love for me will get me through it. Just a few verses up it says in verse 28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him… I only need to remain in His love for me (John 15:9). In Psalms 139 it says that He knew all of my days before I had one. My life both good and bad has never been a surprise to God. He is not afraid of my mess. Isaiah 30:19-21 says, How gracious He will be when you cry for help! As soon as he hears, He will answer you….Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you saying, “This is the way; walk in it.” He knows all my good, bad and ugly and still He says ‘Don’t worry, My Love for you is stronger. Just come to Me and I will be there.’ (Alexandria paraphrase version LOL.)
But we have a part to play. Are you ready for it? We have to call. We have to cry for His help, when we do He WILL come. “As soon as He hears.” So my challenge to us is this, call on Him. In the good, the bad and the ugly and watch what He does in your life. It isn’t always easy, but it is simple. Call on Him. Ask Him to show you what He is doing. Ask Him for help and direction and wait expectantly for what He says knowing that His love is enough.
Written by: Alexandria Brown
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